The only summers I remember

The only summers I remember
Were so long ago the moss grew
And contracted, gray and brittle of
Such age and unworthiness

Grassy refuge fell and tumbled house
Disappeared from reality
Mists grew before eyes unable
Or unworthy to let go

The only summers worth summoning
Seem to pull yet further as fall
Without shame intervenes
And treeless leaves gather

And blow begone with no regard
For foot-dragging eye-squinting
Mumble-dim revision
Or re-visioning

The only summers’ slowly fading
Leaving traces only
Flickering transitory ghosts
But the worst of it is the sheer

Lack of spectacle the way lovers long gone
Become mere characters in your story

Moi

Here I sit
Just a big lump of protoplasm
Encased in plant fiber and animal hide
No more purpose or meaning
Than a slime mold

No, a slime mold
Is at least interesting
Assembling and disassembling
To suit the moment

Bright yellow
Daring any living thing
To do something about it

Daring me
To be more than that
Or at least
That

The way life used to be

Summer mornings, when I was very young
My father would announce an outing
And my mother packed a lunch
And gathered up my infant sister

My older brothers, eye-rolling
And infinitely wise, despairing of
The younger generation
Gathered necessities defined by long
(several weeks)
Tradition and off we trundled

Those days, people walked
And so did we
Past shoe shops and drugstores
(always a brief, longing pause)
Hill high houses and pooched porches
Scraggle lawn-bare bungalows
Vacant lots, still equipped
With bottle bases and cardboard home plates
And the occasional mildewed fielder’s mitt
Wantonly discarded in a fit of pique

Past milk jugs left in sun-swept doorways
Cars on concrete blocks, their wheels
Unseen and unimagined

Down past side streets and alleyways
And trellised garden glimpses
Down to the parkway past
The big-bricked library
Packed from floor to ceiling
With adventure, intrigue,
Piracy and noble experiment,
With love and loss,
With everything that was not us
On summer mornings

Across the broad car-fringed roadway we went
To a certain large elm
Strewn about with green immortal grass
And laid out our blankets
Ate our lunch
And dozed the day away
My brothers off on some creek-filled adventure

Was life unkind?
Probably, obliviously, inobviously,
And perfectly.

A tanka for summer

A photograph:
Fields the color of winter
Nothing growing, nothing moving,
Just you, looking over your shoulder
As if I could still touch you.

As a child suffocating

In the great withered dugs
Of Holy Mother Church

I was taught to beg God’s forgiveness
For my transgressions
Real, imagined, or only aspired to

But really, I thought,
For the sheer gall of living
For the audacity of human-ness

For the clear inexcusable lack
Of appreciation for the
Perversity of existence

As humanity
Of which I was but one
Paltry example

Now I know it’s
Not God who can forgive
But only I

For the willfulness
Of falling for that