Enfant terrible

After reading the October 2013 issue of Poetry.

What vanity is this? Asks the enfant terrible
His latest work selling in the triple digits

I’m not so different from the butcher’s boy
Bloody apron askew, half-smile on his face
Or the preacher’s grace in desperate ascension
The ladder fixed firmly on the gutter’s curb

So hard to tell the weeping from the laughter
At such an angle; let’s call it even
Mr. Joyce, in his second coming, inventifacted words a-flail
Would smile at such sanity, clean as a whistler’s boy

Sheep or swine, it’s all alike; I see it now for no reason
Not so much the parting of the fog as the clarity of it
Curse the winter if you like; it won’t leave
The Stars by which we swear such oaths

But fizzle in the end of all creation
A-twitch with whimsical eternity

How we were then

In those dim grassy
harp-infused summers, we
longed for gray days
in redemption of living well,
the irony cloaked in
naïve dissolution.

We rejected willy-nilly
all that was pre-primed, packaged,
brightly colored.

For us, the rough edge, the ill-fit,
the soiled and discarded,
dust-blown cowboys
blues men smelling of urine
pawn shops, dives,

anything
dismissed and mistreated,
we imagined our own.

How we trotted out our patchy
lives, how we dwindled in our
constructed agony,
tethered all along
to a safe and sorry fate
we could not quite discard!

Is it a kind of hubris
to deny good fortune?

Or is it mere antithesis,
the dark side of a moon
unworthy of its borrowed shine?

Quanta

I try to find myself
Amidst the debris of living
The present is not now
The past is open to conjecture
The future a mere whimsy
A thin cloud composed of remembrance and hope

I know faith and philosophy
That’s not my point

Amidst the clatter of thinking
Emerging notions like stray photons
Almost grasped, almost seen
Only to wink away
Just at the moment of recognition
There still comes something familiar
Some pattern
Some wrinkle of repetition
Just enough to grab a flimsy hold —
As if on reality

Shall I say a thing
Hoping for some connection
Some proof of contingency?

All there is is is

Diptych for Autumn

                I

They say time is a river
You can never step in twice
In the same place
But I know you can
If you wait long enough
Between steps

If you wait until it’s unrecognizable
Until you step on a dry patch of grass
Crunching underfoot just so
Until you taste the clay the color of dreams
Until you feel the sweat making canyons
In the soil on your forearm
Under the seeping sun
Unfiltered by knowing

I say you can, by being still and listening
To the strangely placid screaming
Of cicadas
Dying away into the night

                II

Among the ghosts I saw
In a strange and fitful mirror

A young man, lean and early,
Sunlight stranded in his hair
Skin the color of baked earth
Heart like pierced leather
Eyes berserk with possibility

I saw myself, long ago

Down to the beach

I went down to the beach in sworls
Longing for sun-bound benediction,
The binding waves’ delight

I went down to the beach in fancy,
The souls of a billion stars
Shone in the sand-blown wind

I went down to the beach in breathless,
Red-green ancient charts
New sprung each forgotten day

I lost my footprints
Without a glance