Bless me, Father, for I have sinned.
It has been 51 years, 8 months, and 22 days
Since my last confession.
I have had impure thoughts 368,933 times,
Disobeyed my parents 577,999 times,
Used the Lord’s name in vain 12,647,978 times,
And missed Sunday Mass 647 times.
Bless you, my son.
Say 10 Hail Marys
And leave $500,000 in the collection basket next Sunday.
In the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.