‘Twas the night before Christmas and with any luck,
We’d be getting a visit from a UPS truck.
The TV was off and the lights were all on
In hopes to see packages from Amazon.
Thank God there’s no kids to raise a big fuss;
For better or worse, there’s just two of us.
And yet, anticipation can be such a drag.
Had we waited too long to order our swag?
When suddenly out on the porch with a thump
Came a curse and an epithet, “Miserable dump!”
I ran to the door and wrestled it open
(to see lots of boxes, was what I was hopin’).
Instead amidst all the turmoil and noise
On the porch lay a couple of neighborhood boys.
“What the hell are you doing?” I said in a huff,
Hoping the rascals would not call my bluff.
“We was gonna sing you a Christmas carol
But instead ended up ass over barrel.”
I invited them in, and they sang for a tip,
And I trundled them off with good fellowship,
When up the front steps in a jolly brown suit
Came the UPS man, with boxes of loot.
With smiles all around, we parted with joy,
Me, the UPS man, and the neighborhood boys.
I watched the big guy in his UPS suit
Turn and wave at us all with a wink and a hoot.
As he mounted his truck, and rolled up his sleeves,
“Merry Christmas,” he cried, “and watch out for thieves!”