A Sunday morning meditation.
And Jesus said, “Eat me, and
In holy oneness I will reside in you.
I am your grisly lamb, which you have conjured
From your love of blood
And carnal loathing.
“Look, you can be called holy
Even in your cannibal lust.
You can turn love on its tail
And pour scorn from its spigots.
“For I am made in your image and likeness.
Did you not know me from my scent?
I have said it: I am the son of man.
I am your loving spawn.”
God was in one of his moods
Lightning seared the mountaintops
Bilious gases erupted in the seas
The earth opened and swallowed cities
Whole
Sacrifice a son? For what?
For that pathetic string of snot
Befouling my blue pearl?
Fate, serene, unmoved
Merely kept her gaze
Focused on the navel
Of heaven and earth
You banished them from their birthright
Sent them tumbling, willy-nilly
into the blackness
Of their own hearts
Into deathless ruination
Now some part of your immortal spark
must suffer anguish and die
Alright, alright!
But I’ll make the bastards pay!
Why do things always go to hell
In a handbasket?
Why not a rucksack, or a bicycle?
For that matter, why not a sailboat?
That way, they could be
Three sheets to the wind
Or at least two.
Then it wouldn’t matter
If they were up the creek
Without a paddle.
Unless we’ve cleared the deck,
So all hands could be on it.
In a situation like that,
Kids who have grown another foot
Since we saw them last would come in
Handy.
Unless they just fell off a turnip truck.
Has anyone ever seen a turnip truck?
Come to that,
A truck hauling ass,
In a donkey’s age?
But enough horsing around
Going forward.
My dear statistic,
I’m so glad we could meet
Like this.
What’s your cohort?
I’m Boomer myself
My demogaphic’s online,
If you’re interested.
Millennial? Too cool.
No Giorgio for you,
Or Abercrombie, then?
Red wine, not white.
Vegan I see.
Such a delightful
Subclade.
I’ve got your number.
Every society has its rules. These seem to be the ones for 21st century America.
When evaluating schools of thought,
Go with the one that is
Proudest of its contempt for the others.
Take every disagreement, no matter how minor,
As a personal attack on you and your progeny.
When debating, only use other techniques
When you’ve run out of ad hominem.
When you’re feeling inadequate,
Drag everyone else down until you feel better.
Never investigate a questionable assertion
If it is consistent with what you already believe.
In arguments,
Contradict yourself freely.
Impugn the character of your interlocutor
When it’s pointed out.
A person who has spent a lifetime
Studying a particular subject
Is always wrong.
A young, attractive, charismatic person
Is always right,
Especially when disagreeing with a respected scholar.
The less evidence for a proposition,
The more likely it is.
All statements have an equal chance of being correct,
Unless there is evidence in favor of one.
In that case, it is false.
Define passion as
Willingness to be viciously rude and insulting.
Never make a friend
If you can make a buck.
If you don’t understand it,
It is contemptible.
If you see a bandwagon,
Jump on it.
Get angry when others
Don’t jump on the same bandwagon.
Don’t drive unless you’re texting.
You are too smart for rules.
Our motto: Supra Omnia Mihi
exiles child 